Trust Will Lead the Way

Trust Will Lead the Way
Originally uploaded by jenlemen

The Word of the Lord.

Thanks be to God.

The Road to Hell...?

I've been thinking about living with intention lately. I throw that word around a lot. I intended to go to the grocery store, but got distracted with painting, so now we're eating random frozen vegetables with the pasta I found in the back of the pantry. Or I intend to give my neighbor a piece of my mind the next time she says something snarky. I intend to go to Antarctica one day. I intend to write a blog post (with pictures! Ha!). I intend to lose weight. I intend to make a living as an artist. I intend to be more disciplined. I intend to stop taking rejection so personally. I intend to call my sisters more often. I intend to paint more and play on the internet less. These are all things I intend. But does that mean I'm living with intention?

We all know that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Whatever that means. Is it the idea that the intentions without action lead to misery? If I intend to lose weight, but continue to stuff myself with Quarter Pounders and Girl Scout Cookies, then not only am I betraying my body in unhealthy ways, but I'm probably berating myself for betraying my intentions as well. I'm more miserable because I intended to act differently.

So if that's true, then I need to figure out what I'm doing to follow through with my intentions or even give myself permission to let some of my intentions go. Some days, I'm better off giving up the illusion that I'm going to go to the grocery store. If I've planned to have "Random Pasta" for dinner, then I can enjoy painting more fully and enjoy dinner more because I don't feel guilty that I didn't do something I've intended.

With that in mind, I'm rethinking my intentions. I'm letting go. I'm choosing the intentions most important to me right now. And I intend to tell you about them soon.

Friday Fun...

Big adventures today...

After yoga class (yay for ankle recovery!) I came home, made myself lunch and decided to celebrate my finished painting. It was a beautiful sunny day, and I decided it was perfect weather for an adventure.

I bought an all day bus pass, and discovered that I can get to Ikea via public transit in less than 30 minutes here. I love TriMet! Chris is not going to be happy about this.

The sky was so pretty and from the train, and the clouds lifted so that I could see both Mt. St. Helens and Mt. Hood. (I believe now, Havi. It exists. Though I was starting to doubt, since I had only seen it once.) I remember reading a Ramona Quimby book that talked about Mt. Hood and thought about how much fun it is to live in places I read about as a little girl. I'm rereading the entire Ramona series to celebrate living in Portland.

I bought some candles and researched desks, rugs and floor lamps and decided that Chris must return to Ikea with me soon. I'll lure him there with the promise of Apple Strudel-- that always works.

From Ikea I took the train downtown to Powells City of Books (I love it there! Even more than Ikea) to hear Molly Wizenberg. She writes the blog Orangette, she lives in Seattle, and she's just written a book, A Homemade Life, and like her, it's lovely. I sat and listened to her read and realized this is what Chris is going to do and it's going to be awesome. I can't wait to see him there. But first he has a lot of writing to do.

Finally, (and maybe the best part of the day) I met Amy of Angry Chicken. I've read her blog for ages, even though I don't sew (except for that one quilt) yet.I really love her ideas and her aesthetic. Just go look-- you'll see. She's awesome. And as for sewing, notice I said yet. That's because I made my very first apron this week. And I'm looking on craiglist for a good used sewing machine, because I want to make more. Much more. Amy's blog (and book) have inspired me to learn to really sew. Not just the one quilt.

Now I'm home. And I've lit my orange candle from Ikea and the cat is purring in my lap and my husband is on the way home (sort of-- he's flying from South Africa to Hong Kong tonight, then 24 hours in Hong Kong, then he flies to LA, and then he's actually on the way home) and I have half a vegan chocolate chip cookie left for breakfast tomorrow.

Days like today make me wish I could bottle gratitude and store it for later. Oh wait, I can. Someone remind me of this post the next time I'm whining.

Roots.

The English teacher in me is really in to metaphors. This is something that annoys Chris. I'm always using metaphors in conversation and he listens with the little bit of patience that he has acquired during our marriage (believe me, he has way more than I ever thought he would), until eventually he says, "What are you trying to say?"

And then I read him a poem. He LOVES that.

When we arrived in Portland Sunday, and unloaded the truck, and began to make order of all the boxes, we then made our way to Fred Meyer to get groceries. I never went to Fred Meyer in Seattle, because it wasn't on a bus line for me, but the one here is less than two blocks away, so I think I'll be there a lot. So far I've actually been every day since we moved to Portland. It could be dangerous.

Sorry-- back to the subject. At Fred Meyer, there is a garden center just past the produce section. So while Chris was choosing bananas, I wandered over to the seeds. I thought it would be cool to have a plant that we started growing on our first day in our new home. Chris just rolled his eyes, but I bought the seeds and soil.

So I brought them home and put the seeds in the soil and put them in a sunny window.
And I realized -- METAPHOR! Chris had to listen to my ramblings again... "See Chris? It's like us-- we've been transplanted, but we don't have any roots yet!"

So this is where I am now:



Hopefully roots will come. And our new life here will slowly sprout.

Feast of St. Brigid

Today is Groundhog Day and the Feast of St. Brigid. To celebrate, we're having a (silent) poetry reading. Learn more here.

Jane Kenyon is one of my favorite poets. I keep a book of her poems on my shelf next to my easel, because reading her work is like taking a deep breath on a hectic day. It offers a quiet reflection, and a puddle of peace in the chaos of the world. Read for yourself.


The Suitor

We lie back to back. Curtains
lift and fall,
like the chest of someone sleeping.
Wind moves the leaves of the box elder;
they show their light undersides,
turning all at once
like a school of fish.
Suddenly I understand that I am happy.
For months this feeling
has been coming closer, stopping
for short visits, like a timid suitor.

Jane Kenyon

The Year of Self- Discipline

So every year, Chris and I go on a cruise in December. We spend the week getting warm and remembering the Anastasis, and most importantly we plan out our goals for the next year. Chris has an elaborate system, but I just have a notebook and a pen. We break things down in to categories and talk together about what we want to accomplish individually and as a couple. This is kind of like Mondo Beyondo-- which I also do every year, but perhaps more detailed (for my OCD side).

Each year we take on new ideas and we each look for a theme in what we're working on. For example, 2006 was all about completely new ideas, a new place to live, each of us were starting our school programs, and my journal for the year was titled "New." 2007 became more about finishing well and following through. 2008 for me was the year "to go pro" which was more about transitioning from the attitude of "art student" to actually thinking of myself as an artist. So, it was about selling my work, setting up shows, finding my own studio, keeping up with this blog... stuff like that.

So this year for me is The Year of Self-Discipline. This means I'm going to attempt to acquire some. For a long time, I've coasted along with life and my issues, and I've started to realize that this is an area that is holding me back from the things I want to accomplish with my life. It's my greatest weakness. Eating, Exercise, Finances, almost every area of my life could use more self-discipline. And so one of my first steps is to post my goals here so that I'm accountable to someone. (Unless no one is reading?)

Ok, so I have eight roles or categories and several things that I want to accomplish in each category. I'm going to summarize so that this post isn't quite so epic in length. The roles for me are in order of importance. I'm a total geek and have made myself a little visual diagram for this stuff, because that's just how I think, but you'll just have to settle for words here, because I can't figure out how to upload my diagram...

1. Wife: Call me old-fashioned, but I still think of this as the most important aspect of who I am. My first priority is always going to be Chris. There have been times that my lack of discipline has affected our relationship. I've made goals for this, but I'm going to leave them between the two of us. He'll keep me accountable on this one.

2. Artist: So this one is second for a reason. Because it's easy to put this behind everything else. But if I don't paint then I get crazy and can't do anything else well. I also have to figure out how to handle the business aspect of selling my work. And actually sell my work. So I have to make this a priority over friendships, family, work, the cat, everything. That way, I know I'll make myself paint-- I have to. I want to be a real professional working artist by the end of the year. (Whoa. That's scary.)

3. Creative Learner: I realize that's a bit vague. I put lots of things in this category though. Knitting, cooking, reading, crafty stuff... the things I do for myself. Painting used to be in this category, but it became so important that it got its own category. So, my goals here are things like make homemade marshmallows, read 52 books, make a skirt and a laptop sleeve with this fabric that's been laying around here forever, knit two more sweaters, learn more French. Things that keep me sane and well rounded.

4. Health Nut: Ok, so this is really where the self discipline kicks in. This is one of my weakest areas. I start exercise programs really well, but rarely stick with them. And while I've made serious changes to my diet in healthy ways, I think I could do more. So, first, I'm focusing on physical therapy. I have to get my ankle back to pre-surgery status, then I'm going to gradually work my way back into a sustainable exercise program (and STICK with it). I was doing pretty well until just before I had surgery, so hopefully I can find that happy place again. And secondly, since I've been a vegetarian for 5 years this year, I'm going to celebrate by going vegan for at least 4 weeks. I'm sure we'll talk more about this one and I'll explain the process further.

So, this post is growing and I still have 4 more categories, plus I have to talk about last year's progress. Why don't I stop typing for the time being? Meanwhile, what are your goals for 2009? You don't have to be as detailed as I am here, but I'd love to hear about them...

Update continued...

So where were we? I was tired last night, but I'm ready to continue updating you on the Cliff Notes version of my life right now.

So we returned to Seattle and to our house. During the cold weather, a water main had broken two floors up in our building and six units were damaged. Lucky us, our unit was one of them. We were expecting minor damage, but we were not prepared to find our bed in our kitchen or all the carpet pulled up or the drywall cut away. Our bedroom looked like this...



A month later, we're still dealing with this-- new carpet is in, but there are still a few things left to be done. It's been the most frustrating thing...

Ok, so what else to tell you? Let's me consult the list...

Ok, so my ankle is better. I saw my physical therapist for the last time Thursday-- not because she thinks I'm ready to be done, but because my insurance coverage for physical therapy has run out. So, I'm working on my own, but I really am better.

Now, as for changes coming soon... as part of the Guillebeau goals for 2009 our lives are changing a bit. I'll keep you posted on those. And another goal involves changing this site... so I'm working with a designer (Hi, BJ!) to make jolieguillebeau.com a more professional site representing my work. I'll talk about this more when I tell you about my goals for the year.

Finally, Plinky. It's fun. Go look. I think I still like Twitter best, but Plinky is fun. too.

January.

Ok, I figure you guys deserve an update. I can't promise it will be coherent, but since we're well in to 2009, I want to say something about my life at the moment. So I'm going to make a list of things I need to tell you.

1. The vacation was fabulous.
2. Christmas with the family was lovely.
3. Our house is a disaster.
4. I've made my goals for 2009 and I should tell you about them.
5. Some things will change around here soon.
6. My ankle is better--that's a good thing.
7. Have you heard about Plinky? It's fun.

Ok, that's a good place to start...but I guess you need details too.

So, mid-December we left for our annual Guillebeau goal-setting vacation. We went on a cruise to the western Caribbean-- we love to cruise because it reminds us of living on the Anastasis, but with better food. We had a great week on the water, though we didn't explore much because I was still not very good at walking. We returned to Miami on the 21st, and I got to see an old friend from the ship who was sailing out that same day for her wedding cruise (Hi, Lynda!). It was great to see her and meet her fiance and give her a big hug to send her off.

From Miami we flew to visit the family for a busy four days of Christmas, food, photos and fun. We had a great visit, but after two weeks we were ready to return to Seattle and settle in to normal life again and start working on all the goals we set on the cruise. (Speaking of goals, I think I'll leave mine for a separate post. Otherwise, this post will be so very long.) We had missed all the crazy snow that happened in Seattle, but we discovered that the weather would have a lasting effect.

That's a good stopping place for the moment. Stay tuned...

I can't wait to see this.

http://www.whodoesshethinksheis.net

Words fail.

So beautiful.

Etsy Store update...

Look over there to your right. You'll see a small list that says, "look at these, too." At the bottom of that list, you'll see a link that says, "my etsy store." If you click that link, you'll see how I kept myself busy while Chris was away. There are 18 new listings there today. They're all jewelry and they're inspired by paintings I've done.

Feel free to click the order link as well. :)

A story... and a reminder to myself.

So, I was 9 before I learned to ride a bike.

Yeah, I know. Most people learn around 6. I had a bike, but I was too busy trying to learn to tie my shoes--or learn to swim--or cut my own food-- uh... wait. I didn't really learn to tie my shoes until last year (it's a long story), I'm still more of a floater than a swimmer, and I became a vegetarian mostly because I'm not so good at cutting meat. Ok, so I don't really have a good excuse.

Anyway, for whatever reason, I couldn't ride a bike. It wasn't that I didn't try. It wasn't that my mom didn't run behind me for hours holding the back of the bike, it wasn't that I didn't know how to pedal. I mean, every member of my family spent hours in the driveway with me, but I just couldn't get past the training wheels stage. Finally, I just started to feel dumb, inept and ridiculous. It was frustrating to me and to everyone else. The bike with its streamers went into the garage and stayed there for months.

Then we moved to a new neighborhood. It was quiet and friendly and a perfect place to spend hours riding a bike. But I couldn't. I just walked or stayed home. The bike stayed in the garage. Eventually, someone noticed. At a cookout one evening I wanted to go with the other kids, but they were all on bikes, so I sat with the adults and looked bored. Our neighbor Richard asked me why I wasn't out there. As I hung my head in shame, my mom gave a long and embarrassing explanation while all the other adults proffered helpful suggestions.

"Yes, we tried that, but she still can't ride it."
"No, it didn't work."
"I just didn't know what else to do."

Richard spoke up. "I can teach her."

"Really? I don't know. We've all tried..."

Richard looked at me and said, "Meet me in our driveway tomorrow afternoon."

I was afraid, but I walked the bike over to Richard's house the next day. I was fully expected to fall, to fail, to disappoint another adult and embarrass myself yet again. I was afraid this was going to end in another visit to the dentist or the ER. Worst of all, I was afraid that Blake and Michael-- Richard's teenage sons-- would make fun of me.

But I got on the bike. After a few falters, Richard said, "Jolie, when you feel like you're going to fall, turn the handlebars in the direction you're falling." Huh? But, if I'm falling that way, then don't I want to go the other way? That doesn't make sense. "Just try it and see what happens."

Fifteen minutes later, I was riding a bike down the biggest hill in the neighborhood with Richard running behind unable to keep up. It is still one of the proudest moments of my life.

I still remember that--"turn towards the way you're falling." There's probably an important life lesson there. But the thing I remember most is that someone believed I could do something, even after I had given up on myself.

Thanks, Richard.

Sock evangelist...

This morning, I was on the bus early. Chris left before 5 to catch the bus to the airport (he's on his way to Easter Island, if you're curious*) and since I was awake, I decided to just get up and go to the studio. So I'm on the bus, the sun is shining and I'm knitting an orange sock. Because it was so early, there were several empty seats, so I was surprised when a lady sat down immediately next to me. She was obviously on her way to work and I was a little annoyed when her laptop case invaded my personal knitting space.

She watched me knit for awhile and finally turned and said, "So I followed your advice. I'm on my second pair." Huh? It was early, I'm not a morning person and I'm generally pretty wary (with good reason) of social interactions on the bus.

I must have looked pretty confused, because she said, "Oh-- you don't remember. I was on the bus with you last month when you were knitting the red and blue striped socks and you told me I could knit socks, too. You told me you could barely tie your shoes and so if you could do it, then anyone could. So I went out and got the yarn and Googled the pattern and now I can knit socks, too. You were right." And then she pulled out her sock to show me.

Another one brought over to the wooly side.

*Note: The camera is on its way to Easter Island with Chris. Don't ask. I'm so annoyed with myself that I don't have any pictures to show you. A solution to this camera craziness is simmering-- stay tuned.

Sugar cookies and... what else?

Last night I made a big batch of sugar cookies. I cut them out into heart shapes. They were really good. Chris ate more than 10.

I'm going to finish knitting my socks this week. They are pink and orange.

Umm...

I'm just telling you this because I forgot the camera again today, so I can't show you the paintings I'm working on. That's frustrating. I guess I'll just tell you about them.

I've done two small landscapes this week-- more views from my bedroom windows. One is the view from my porthole on the Anastasis. Well, sort of. I had so many different views, that I chose to paint a view of sailing. I also painted a night scene, because that's how I remember the view from our bedroom on Water's Edge Lane.

I've worked more on the monumental still life, correcting angles and sharpening edges. And I've started a new landscape--it's a memory of something I saw last fall. The moon was rising through the trees here in the neighborhood and there was a lamp in the window of a house across the street. The brightness of the moon and the lamp in the window were a lovely contrast and I took a picture with my cell phone. And then forgot about it. This week, when I was transferring stuff to my new phone, I found the picture-- so now I'm painting it.

Ok, tomorrow I'll really try to remember the camera to show this stuff. Meanwhile, I'm going to eat a few sugar cookies.

Ending the week...

There's no motif painting this week, because my big project is working so well. I'm really enjoying working on it right now, so I thought I'd stick with it until I hit my first bump. Here's today's progress:



It doesn't look that different from yesterday, but that's mostly because I was double checking my measurements and wanted to take my time. Also, because we talk about Art History in the studio on Thursdays, there's not as much time for painting.

And on that note, today I'm going to talk about my teacher-- Gary Faigin. I first heard of Gary several years ago when I was taking my first art class with a group of lovely little old ladies. He had written a book about facial expressions and these little old ladies were just in love with this book. I spent several hours sitting on the floor in Barnes and Noble looking at the book, but never bought it because I was just too intimidated and not quite ready for it.

Fast forward a few years-- Chris and I were getting ready to come to Seattle and I was looking for a place to study art. I found Gage Academy online and recognized Gary's name immediately. I knew that I wanted to come to this school and study with him-- it was almost an immediate decision. But once again, I wasn't sure that I was ready. So I enrolled at Gage in the Foundation Painting program and worked my way through that last year and this year I've finally gotten my own studio space and an opportunity for Gary to critique my work.

He comes in Tuesday afternoons for individual critiques and Thursday mornings to talk about Art History. I've learned so much from both--plus, I love the freedom that comes from just painting and painting and painting every other day of the week.

More snow...

The view from my studio:

Um. Never mind. I don't have the cable for the camera, so those pictures will have to wait until tomorrow.

Awkward silence...

*Look, now I've got the cable!


So, anyway, how was the weekend? Mine was a bit manic. A new show opened at the Frye, and it was pretty crowded both Friday and Saturday. The Frye Museum is my other job-- it's the one that actually provides a paycheck. I love that I get paid to look at paintings. I learn a lot just by looking at the work on the walls. Plus, I love the group of people that I work with. We have a lot of fun together. It's the perfect job for me right now. I usually work there Thursday evenings, Fridays and Saturdays. Which is why I only post here Monday-Thursday while I'm actually in my studio.

And then last night I hosted Hysteria. That's the group of girls (we don't feel old enough to be a women's group) who get together every Sunday night and do crafty things. Well, some of us do crafty things, and some of us just sit around and chat and eat. Either way, we have fun together.

The big plans for today include starting my new painting. I'll take pictures and post progress of it each week--if I can remember to bring the cable for the camera.

In between...

I should be painting, but instead I'm eating lentils and listening to iTunes. I'm in between paintings and feeling a little lost. I suppose I'm back to stage one.

I'm finished with a project that I've worked on for more than two months--and I'm glad. I'm just not so sure I'm ready to invest myself in to a new painting like that. It's the stage of uncertainty and insecurity. For me, it's the stage where I get the most frustrated and anxious. Others in my studio love it. They're excited about a new project and a fresh clean canvas. They'll spend hours and hours just planning and sketching. Meanwhile, I will just throw anything on the canvas to get something down and then later spend hours and hours correcting it. Or even worse, I'll encounter a problem I hadn't planned for and have to begin all over again.

I'm trying to be more comfortable in this stage. Trying to plan and think through my ideas. Though what I really want to do is just throw some paint on this big white canvas. I'm definitely looking forward to stage two.

Great minds...

Not only do I love her necklaces, I'm always so inspired by Andrea's insights and honesty. Which is why I love her blog. Mondo Beyondo is an annual thing for her and it fits with where I am at the moment.

Where will 2008 take you?